What to Expect When You Lose Someone You Love: Stages of Grief

Over the weekend a childhood friend and neighbor passed away, and two of my friends (sisters) lost their mother, who presently lived only about three blocks away from me.

I've been thinking about grief for a few days now, so I thought I'd share the typical stages one must go through to recover from the loss of a loved one.

Some people believe there are five stages of grief:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

But I believe the seven stages of grief  model is more realistic:

But even with seven stages, it is never that simple or that easy.  Grief doesn't follow a set path, and it is different for everyone who experiences it.  It is also different for you every time you experience it depending on the circumstances, but since love never dies, knowing the stages can be helpful, I think.

It is also important to note that acceptance does NOT equal forgetting your loved one.  Acceptance also does NOT fill the hole in your life that now exists.  Acceptance merely allows you to learn to live with your loss, so that your life can return to at least a  semblance of normality, and you can enjoy life (at least most days) again.

You should also know that as you work your way through your grief, you will flip-flop back and forth between the stages a whole lot.  

A better representation of grief probably looks more like this:

Grief is a messy process.  Some people get stuck in one place for years and years, and need professional help to move forward.  Some actually never seek the help and stay stuck forever, but it is my hope that this does not happen to any of my readers.  

Grief touches the lives of everyone.  Please know you are not alone.  Reach out to your friends and family in your time of grief.  You may be pleasantly surprised at the comfort they can give you. 

I've often wished I had a magic wand to wipe away the grief of those that I love, or at least some magic words of comfort that will help, but I find I seldom know what to say in the face of grief, and I often feel I've said the totally wrong thing, but that is life as well.  

All I can do is love, support, and listen to them the best I can, and keep them in my thoughts and prayers.  I hope that is enough.