Fathers, Be Careful What You Teach Your Sons

Recently my youngest son, who is 39 years old, visited and we went to Walmart to pick up a few things.  As we were walking through the store, I noticed that he always positioned himself about four to six feet in front of me.

We have shopped together many times.  I'm guessing he has always done this, but this one night I was tired and I noticed, and it occurred to me that I also knew why he did that.  His father taught him to do that to me.  I can only hope he never does that to any other woman, but I fear he might.

As I was walking along looking at his back, I couldn't help but notice how much he looks like his father from the back.  I know this because his walking like that reminded me of the 22 years I was married to his father, which was 22 years of my having to walk at least four to six feet behind him wherever we were.

My sons' father always kept me looking at his back if we were in a store or walking anywhere really, at an amusement park, hiking in the woods, etc.  He used to say it was my place to walk behind him.  He also used to say I was his.  He said he had my title laying around somewhere talking about our marriage license.  I endured this for my sons.  I never realized at the time how their father was treating me was teaching them how to treat women. 

The key words in the above paragraph are "used to say."  I divorced my sons' father 22 years ago.  The incident at Walmart made me try to remember if anyone else I ever shop with has made me walk behind them, but in those 22 years since the divorce, I couldn't think of anyone else who has done that to me. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks that night at Walmart.  My son was treating me just like his father treated me.  He never even thought about it.  It never occurred to him that he was being disrespectful of his mother.  If I walked faster to catch up with him, he would speed up...just like his father.

I wanted to tell him he was being disrespectful, but I knew it would cause a fight and he was leaving in a few hours, so I held my tongue.  Whatever I say now won't change all those years of his father's behavior teaching him how to treat women. 

I used to try to get his father to walk with me those first few years of marriage, but the silent punishment he doled out when I mentioned anything like that just became not worth it. 

We never argued.  Not once in 22 years.  We NEVER argued.  He would always say, "I'm right and you're wrong and that's it," and then he would not speak to me for sometimes weeks on end.  He would also make big messes in the kitchen for me to clean up, and do other passive aggressive things to punish me, so I just walked alone...a few feet behind him...for 22 years of marriage because that was the less stressful thing to do.  It never occurred to me that one day my own son would treat me the same way.  I know.  I know.  I should have known.

My advice to you, my friends, is to always be respectful of others.  Walk beside people if you are shopping with them.  Engage in conversation with them instead of grunting a yes or no reply to questions.  Treat people as you would want to be treated.

Husbands, walk next to your wives.  Sons and daughters, walk next to your parents.  They are not your servants.  Treat them with respect.  Talk to them.  Parents, stay beside your spouse and children when they are little and never model disrespectful behavior.  Never.

That is my advice to you today.

When you make a woman walk behind you, this is the message you are sending.
You are basically telling them they are not as good as you. They are second class citizens.
This is NOT true, and this is NOT acceptable. Be aware.